


The Wonders Of Government Jobs

by AnonymouslyDead



Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Aliens, Crack, F/F, Human! Gems, Inspired By Tumblr, Jasper is a government agent for area 51, Raid Area 51 Memes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2020-06-28 12:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19812613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymouslyDead/pseuds/AnonymouslyDead
Summary: Oneshots based on Area 51 Memes1. “Hey babe. We still on to raid Area 51?”2. Busting Alien!Peridot out of jail3. Busting out Alien!Jasper4. Farmer Peridot tries to give Agent Jasper a ride home from work





	1. Meme Trouble

“Hey babe?” Peridot asked. Jasper didn’t look up from her book. “Babe?” Jasper only seemed to bury herself further into her armchair. Peridot pouted. “Babe?!” She tried louder.

Jasper let out a huff before snapping her novel closed. She leveled an aggravated look at Peridot. “What?” She bit out. 

“We still on to raid Area 51?” Peridot asked, a smirk clear on her face. 

Jasper frowned. A pit sprouted in the depths of her stomach. “What?” She repeated, hoping she heard wrong. 

“You gonna take me storm Area 51, right babe?”

Jasper’s eyes went wide. “How did you know?” 

Peridot frowned. “Know what?” She watched as Jasper to their apartment’s windows and peeked through the curtains as if she was spying on someone. “....What are you doing?” 

“Shhh.” Jasper turned from the window and went about scanning their living room. She ran her hands down the corners of the room, around the edges of their couches, and beneath the coffee table in a determined search. It’s when Jasper looked up at the ceiling light with dread clears across her face that Peridot really grew worried. 

“Oh no. Oh no no no.” Jasper stood up. She snapped off the ceiling light before unscrewing the light bulb. Peridot frowned at it, curious at what Jasper was upset over. 

“They bugged us.” Jasper held out her hand to Peridot. At least, a dozen, tiny cameras dotted her broad hand. Peridot gasped. 

“Is that a Hunter mic?” Peridot snatched one from her palm. She looked it over with a wild gleeful look on her face. “I’ve only seen these in passing on the deep web. I thought they were a myth!” She brought the audio bug closer to her eyes. “It really is tiny!”

“Peridot, shut up! They can hear you!” Jasper hissed. She took the camera back and crushed it in her hand. The bugs crunched in her hand before Jasper let go, letting the broken pieces fall into the living room carpet. 

“Jasper! You just destroyed millions of dollars!” Peridot whined. 

“Focus! We have to move quick.” Jasper barked out as she marched down the hall. Peridot followed behind her into their bedroom. She watched as Jasper pulled out two suitcases from under their bed, one of which was Peridot’s novelty flying saucer backpack she swore she lost months ago. Before Peridot could complain, Jasper tossed it at her. Peridot caught it, surprised to find it packed to the brim. 

“I already packed us the essentials. Let’s go.” 

“Go where?” Peridot asked, but Jasper ignored her, choosing to push past Peridot. “Jasper, what the hell is going on?” 

“I wasn’t careful enough! That’s what!” Jasper cried out, knocking a fist into the thin hall wall. Pictures that dotted the wall rattled and fell loose from their nails. Peridot dropped her bag in order to save one from crashing into the floor with the others. 

It was a picture from their first date, back when they had both just moved to Beach City. The date was a spur of the moment decision on Peridot’s part. They had met maybe once or twice through mutual friends, but Peridot was captivated by her. She had to know more. 

Still, it was a challenge trying to navigate their relationship back then. Between Peridot’s social awkwardness and Jasper’s stoic air, the date seemed to flounder on and on as the night waned on through the standard dinner date. Neither had much to say nor much experience in dating to draw on. 

But, they worked through it together. Whether it be through genuine interest or a bullheaded determination to have something go right, they hung around each other after the right time to call it a night. They wandered the boardwalk and then the beach, trying to pick each other’s brains. It was still awkward as hell, but it was a sweet memory nevertheless. 

That’s how she got the photo. Peridot had just dropped a corny pun, just to break the ice. To her surprise, Jasper burst out laughing. Her tiger striped face looked more relaxed than it had all evening, her long white hair bouncing carelessly with each hearty laugh. 

Peridot has quickly snapped a picture of the moment as she did with all things she found precious and within range of her phone camera. But when she looked up at the real Jasper and she saw the same face filled with regret, it filled her with a painful sorrow. 

“It wasn’t supposed be like this.” Jasper said as if she was trying to convince Peridot. She looked down at the picture in Peridot’s hands, and she seemed to give. She slunk to the floor and pulled her knees to her chest. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

Jasper gestured both her hands at the floor. “I was just supposed to come do my job. I was just supposed to stay undercover, and I could live a normal life outside work.” Jasper’s breathing picked up its pace to a worrying amount. “Now, the government going to come after us!” She slammed her fists into the floor with a dull thud. “I’ve ruined everything!”

“Jasper...” Peridot carefully approached her. When she didn’t seem ready to go off again, Peridot laid a hand on her back. “Calm down. Please.” Peridot awkwardly patted Jasper’s back. 

Jasper’s broad shoulder’s hitched under her hand. Jasper let out a deep, wheezing breath. “I’m sorry.” She whispered. 

“Jasper, I’m going to need more information. You’re freaking me out.” Peridot deadpanned. 

Jasper looked up at her with desperate golden eyes. “What do you mean? You found out.” 

“Stop talking in riddles please.” 

Jasper huffed, some of her annoyance returning to her face. At least, she wasn’t totally lost. “But, you know! You know I’m a government agent aligned with Area 51 and now, they know!”

“Wait, what?” 

“What?” Jasper frowned. 

“Babe...you do know I was talking about the meme, right?” 

“What?!” 

“Yeah! It’s all over the internet right now.” Peridot pulled out her phone and showed her one. Jasper took the phone, staring in disbelief. 

“Are you kidding me?” Jasper groaned, tossing the phone back to Peridot. “You gave me a heart attack over nothing?” 

“Well...” Peridot made a face. “Your employers now know I’m acquainted with the deep web so...” Peridot went retrieve her backpack from the ground. Jasper groaned, but she stood up.

“We’re moving to a safe house in Crystal Cove. No arguments.” Jasper said, going retrieve her own bag. 


	2. The Great Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Busting alien peridot out of Area 51

Jasper stood still for a moment, the weight of a gun holstered away a heavy reminder of what she was about to do. She tightened her grip on the briefcase and watched as scientists walked in and out of the building. On reflex, she timed herself to fall a few steps behind one scientist before walking in herself. She held her breath as she did every time, waiting for someone to question her, but she managed to walk down the facility's entrance foyer without so much as a second glance.

Before her stretched a familiar network of sterile white doorways teeming with busy scientists. They milled about preoccupied with carrying presumably sensitive documents, transporting expensive equipment, or rushing across the hall to find another scientist. Still, Jasper kept her carefully cultivated excuse in mind as she weaved around them with practiced ease.

"Hey!" Someone yelled. Jasper froze in response, her face a careful neutral but her heart hammering in her ear. It's only when a well dressed man, one of the many federal agents that combed the place like herself, approached a distracted scientist that Jasper let her self relax just a little. Everyone's eyes were trained on the mystery agent thankfully. No one batted an eye as she continued on down the hall and turned right down a much more abandoned corridor. It was just business as usual.

A small metal door like an elevator's took up the corridor's ending wall. Towards the right wall, a small scanner cast a ghastly green glow. Jasper pulled out an ID badge that was clearly not her own and flashed it, praying that IT hadn't caught on to her yet. The scanner let out a little chime. Jasper sighed and watched the metal door slide open with a hiss. 

Jasper walked in a huge, cluttered laboratory, it many computers and machines casting eerie blinking lights across the dark room. Even so, Jasper was able to make her way over to the Plexiglas tube set in the center of the room on a computerized pedestal. She gave its smooth glass a light knock.

A round face pressed against the glass where she knocked, her brilliant green skin looking a sickly teal in the weak light. Yellow eyes too big to be human glittered at her as an excited smile broke across her face. "Agent 45-X7! Boy, am I glad to see you!" 

"Shhh!" Jasper felt her way around the tube until she found its control panel. She opened her briefcase and pulled out a list of passwords before getting to work. "I'm going to get you out of here, Peridot." 

"Really? It's about time. Look where they stuck me!" Peridot banged her against the glass of her prison. The glass barely made a sound at her barrage much less any movement. "Much harder to escape than my last cell, X7. Let me tell you."

Jasper huffed. "I said be quiet. Unless you want the scientists to come back." Jasper said. That bought her a few seconds of precious seconds of silence. She managed to clear through security measures, allowing her to punch in the release button. The glass tube slowly raised into a metal casing over head. 

"Woo, freedom!" Peridot cheered. That is until she careened forward, crashing down onto the tile floor with an echoing slap. Jasper flinched, the sound like a gunshot in the dead silence. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jasper bit out on instinct, running on years of directing her fellow agents around. Jasper hauled her up to her feet only to realize there was a thick plastic sort of mit enveloping her arms and legs. Peridot had to lean heavily on Jasper just to stay upright.

Peridot thrust her trapped arms at her pointedly. "Why do you think escape is harder now, ya clod?" Peridot thrashed against her bounds and subsequently Jasper. "Get them off of me!" 

"Alright! Alright!" Jasper hauled Peridot over to a nearby observation desk and sat her on top. She felt around until she felt a familiar thin case brush her fingers. Inside it, she pulled out a scalpel and used it to hack at Peridot's bounds. It was slow work, the thick material inching apart as she threw her strength into sawing at it.

"Hurry up. My arms are cramping." Peridot whined. Jasper halted her work to point the scalpel in her face. Peridot's eyes crossed to look at it before they looked at Jasper's scowling face. 

"You know I didn't have to risk my neck for you? I could've left you to the mercy of the government." 

"Of which this government doesn't have any." Peridot deadpanned. 

"Correct." Jasper gave her a final look before going back to cutting off Peridot's bounds. "I doubt you want to stay, so could you please stop being so difficult?" She managed to spilt them halfway before she forced her fingers into the split. She tugged and pulled on the material, finding that it stretched like rubber under her strength. Peridot was able to wiggle her arms out. 

Peridot rubbed her wrists. "My apologies. I do appreciate your help, X7. Without you, I'd probably wind up on some clod's table." 

"Jasper." 

"Hmm?" Peridot frowned. 

"My name is Jasper. Quit calling me by my code, runt." 

Peridot nodded. "Alright, Jasper. Do you have a plan to get us out of here?" 

Jasper opened her mouth, but a familiar hiss sounded. The lights flicked on, causing the both to flinch and miss the government agents pouring into the room. They circled the two, training their guns on them. Jasper cursed, eyes darting around for an escape but found none. Reluctantly, she raised her arms above her arms.

Then suddenly all at once, their guns ripped from their hands and dropped to the floors. 

"You clods think they can trap me. Well, how do you like me now?" Peridot cackled. She held her hands up and twisted her face in concentration. The guns sprang back up, this time the barrels pointed at their previous owners. Jasper took that chance to add her own to the fray. 

"Any move and we shoot." Jasper barked out. "I want a clear path out of the compound. Any resistance-" 

"I'll bring this whole place to its knees!" Peridot cackled. 

"...Actually, I have very sensitive information that I have relayed to a discrete colleague of mine. If I don't report to them in an hour, they'll spill everything about Area 51 and its research on extraterrestrials to every newspaper in the country." Jasper threatened. "Now, I want a ride for us waiting outside. No one follow, and Area 51 stays covert for another day." 

The unarmed agents argued amongst each other, but they seemed to come to an agreement quick. They allowed Jasper to throw Peridot over her shoulder and walk out armed to a waiting military jeep. 

"We did it!" Peridot cheered. Jasper tossed her into the passenger seat. She barely got in herself before she threw the Jeep into drive and took off out of Area 51. 

"Hardly. The government will be on our tail soon enough." Jasper said. "They'll put a call out for our jeep now, probably issue an arrest warrant. They might even send helicopters after us." 

"...But, we made it out." Peridot smiled.

"That doesn't solve the fact that we're wanted criminals now. We just held up a military base!" Jasper snapped. 

That caused Peridot's smile to drop. She seemed to take on a more thoughtful look. Jasper ignored it, choosing instead to merge onto the highway and put as much distance between the military base and them as possible. A hefty silence stretched on for a long minute until-

"Why?" Jasper blinked. "Why what?"

"Why would you go through all this trouble for me?" Peridot asked, her yellow eyes wide. "You could die, X7. Are you nuts?" She asked dead serious.

"I told you to quick calling me that." Jasper said, because she couldn't answer the first. She mulled over the question in her head, an unease weighing on her mind. 

When she first got assigned to Area 51, she hadn't expected to be assigned to this. She hadn't expected to find a green woman strapped on a gurney like an asylum patient. She hadn't expected to be told to ignore every painful cry and plea for mercy as scientists stripped her of the mechanical appendage from her like they were destroying parts of her identity. She hadn't expected to be reprimanded every time Jasper was caught conversing with her. She hadn't expected an alien from another galaxy to be such a sarcastic firecracker fluent in English. She didn't expect her to have such a big personality for someone who stood as tall as a child.

She hadn't expected Peridot to make her first escape attempt, but god, was she rooting for her. 

She hadn't expected it to fail and for the scientists to order an immediate autopsy in response.

But, god was she not about to let that happen.

"It doesn't matter. We're in this together now. Like it or not." Jasper answered. She turned off of the highway, sending them towards Empire City. 


	3. Naruto Run Into New Bae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alien Jasper! Jail Break

Jasper grunted as she yanked against her chains around her ankles. The chains rattled as they pulled taunt from where they were latched to the wall. However, all of her efforts only resulted in a light groan from the walls just as usual. Jasper cried out in frustration, tossing down the chains and stalking around the short five foot enclosure she was allowed to walk around.

Just then, the huge metal sliding door to the laboratory slid open. Jasper crouched low enough that the low walls bordering her enclosure hid most of her broad frame. She glared up, waiting for one of the human scientists to enter with another unpleasant test for her. 

Instead, she got a short human running strangely into the room. She wasn’t a scientist that was clear from her strange uniform, a shirt proclaiming her apart of the meme team and shorts made of an odd blue material. She swiped her spiked platinum hair out of her face as her wide, green eyes took in all the computers behind her huge round glasses. 

She looked non-threatening enough, so Jasper allowed herself to slowly stand. She coughed into her a hand, a gesture she picked up from her captors. It worked, drawing the short woman’s focus. 

“Human, I must request your aid-“ 

“Holy shit! An alien!” The human screeched. She hurried to pull out her “cellphone” as humans call it and snapped the device in her direction. 

Jasper let her face fall into a grimace. “Human, please.” She sighed. The human’s shock lasted a few more seconds before she acknowledge Jasper again, giving with a Huh?

“Your human brethren have ripped me away from my colony and held me prisoner for many days. You must free me, so that I can rejoin my own kind.” 

“Wait.” The human’s face lit up yet again. “There’s more of you?!” 

Jasper let out an annoyed huff. “Please. Just free my from my bonds.” She said, hoping the shorter phrasing would get her point across. Thankfully, the human nodded. 

“I think I can pull that off. Not to brag, but I am the computer wizard behind the infamous meme team.” She chuckled, holding up the text on her shirt. Jasper only frowned in confusion. 

“Anyway, which one of these did they use to put you in there?” 

Jasper thought for a moment before pointing to a small console to her left. Peridot walked over and inspected it. 

“This shouldn’t be too much of a problem. It’s a similar system to the one I use at home actually.” Peridot cracked her fibers before she let her fingers fly across the console’s keyboard. Keys clicked and clacked under her touch before she finished with one definite click. Jasper’s bounds let out a loud grinding sound and then clattered to the ground useless. 

Jasper blinked, not believing what she saw. She walked forward and stepped over the enclosure’s wall. She made it past with no resistance. Jasper let out a hearty laugh. 

“Well if that’s all- GAHH!” Jasper suddenly rushed Peridot, gathering the small human into her arms. 

“Thank you, human! I am eternally grateful.” Jasper called out. Peridot made an odd sound. Jasper frowned down at the human buried in her chest. “Oh, sorry.” She set the human down. 

Peridot was blushing fiercely, muttering incoherently as she stumbled on her own feet. It didn’t help that Jasper composed herself only to bow down on one knee. “W-What are you doing there?” 

“By my honor as a proud soldier of the Pink Diamond Court, I am indebted to you...um..” Jasper frowned. 

“Peridot.”

Jasper nodded. “Whatever I can do to repay you, just name it.” 

“Really? Hmmm.” Peridot thought for a moment. “I know!” Peridot pulled out her “cellphone” again. She walked up to Jasper and posed. “Say cheese.” 

“Cheese?” Jasper said confused. 

“No, smile. Like this.” Peridot smiled at her. Jasper followed suit. “There you go.” Peridot snapped a photo. She giggled manically, sending the photo to Lapis. 

“I found my new alien GF!” Peridot texted her, joking. 

Little chat bubbles showed before a hearty “WHAT THE FUCK” graced her screen. “That was just meme, you walnut!” Lapis followed up with. 

“I’m going to romance the crap out of her.” Peridot quickly shot back. 

“She’ll crush you under all that muscle.” 

“God, I hope so.” Peridot put back with a smirk before pocketing her phone. 

“Is that all you need of me?” Jasper asked. 

“Well, my crew will probably need help escaping now that we have you.” Jasper nodded at the request. Peridot smirked. “Good. Then maybe, we can stop and see some of the human sights. Say dinner and a movie?” 

“What’s a dinner and a movie?” Jasper asked tilting her head. 

“You’ll love it! It’s part of a human experience called a date!” Peridot assured her. Jasper smiled confidently. 

“Very well, Peridot. Let’s go out to this date!” Jasper grabbed a hold of Peridot and set her on her broad shoulders. “Hold on tight. I’m sure we’ll have to bust out of here at some point.” 

“O-ok!” Peridot stuttered, settling herself into a stable position. She directed Jasper out the sliding door and on their way to where the rest of the meme team had chosen to converge. While Jasper was busy making their way through a secured doors quite literally, Peridot sent off one last text to Lapis. 

“She said yes :D.” 

“You xenophilic Dorito.” Peridot laughed before shutting off her phone. 


	4. Gonna Take My Horse To The Old Gov’ Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Au with Farmer Peridot and Government Agent Jasper 
> 
> Peridot tried to give Jasper a ride home only to be surrounded by government agents.

Jasper was doing her job, supervising the construction of a new military aircraft prototype. The aircraft was currently a skeleton on the warehouse floor with engineers milling about it. Things were looking fine so far, and Jasper wrote as much on her board to give her superiors. The clock on the wall ticked closer to quitting time,, and all she had to do now was turn in her report.

But then, her earpiece cracked to life.“Code yellow! Code yellow! Disturbance on the east wall!” Their security head cried into her ear. Jasper just rolled her eyes.

That was another one of her jobs, supervising security detail. After all the memes about Area 51, their superiors thought it’d be a good idea to strengthen security which meant Jasper had more to supervise. She wouldn’t be as annoyed if it wasn’t mostly dumb teenagers she ended up escorting away from government property. 

Still, it was her job. 

“Keep up the good work.” She raised her hand to the engineers. A few acknowledged her with a vague nod or gesture before Jasper headed towards the warehouse exit. 

She held her earpiece. “Any idea what the disturbance is?” She asked. 

“A…cowboy?” 

“A what?” 

“I see a horse, and someone riding it.” 

Jasper’s heart dropped. She wouldn’t be that dumb, would she? 

“Describe them for me.” Jasper called back. 

“Suspect is wearing a cowboy hat and...glasses that cover the top half of their face. Blonde hair, short stature. The horse itself is a light brown with white patches around the face. Almost reminds me of clown makeup.”

Jasper groaned. They were that dumb. She wanted to smack herself for thinking otherwise.

“Hold them off at the edge of the property, but hold off on further action until I get there.” Jasper requested. When they responded with an affirmative, Jasper rushed for one of the Jeeps lining the side of the warehouse. She got in, started it, and headed towards the east entrance, hoping she was wrong. 

She wasn’t. Peridot was waiting in her saddle on top of Pumpkin. She was dressed for her overalls and boots-the ones she worked their farm in. It certainly gave a cowboy aesthetic despite her anime spikes poking from her hat.

But, the aesthetic was ruined by the three soldiers surrounding her, training their guns on her and the horse. Still, she lit up when Jasper got out of the Jeep. 

“Hey, babe!” Peridot moved to wave only for one of the soldiers to cry out a warning she quickly put her hand back on Pumpkin’s reins.

“Peridot, what the hell are you doing here? You could’ve been shot!” 

“Well...I wanted to surprise you with a ride home from work. Pumpkin here was itching to go riding.” Peridot gave Pumpkin’s mane a soft pat, careful not to move her hands too much under the soldiers’ gazes. “I didn’t think Area 51 would be so...hostile.” 

“Jasper, you know the suspect?” One soldier, Pearl, asked.

Jasper heaved a heavy sigh. She was so getting trouble for this. 

“Yes. Yes, I do unfortunately.” 

“Hey!” 

“She’s harmless. I can escort her from here.” Jasper said. The soldiers lowered their guns and relaxed their stances. 

“One of you take care of the Jeep until I get back.” Jasper requested before tossing her keys at them. The shorter, stouter soldier caught it with a whoop. 

“No, Amethyst! Give them here!” Pearl cried despite the fact that Amethyst was already clambering for the Jeep. Jasper ignored it in favor of directing Peridot around. 

“Wait, so you’re not coming home?” Peridot asked frowning. 

“No, I have to escort you off the premise. Then, I have to come back and turn in my inspection report along with the new report I’m going to have to start about you.” 

“Oh.” Peridot grimaced. “I’m sorry.” 

Jasper heaved another sigh. She started walking down the long, dusty road that lead out onto another dirt road but technically off of Area 51. Peridot directed Pumpkin to follow at a languid pace. 

“It’s not entirely your fault. It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal if it wasn’t for the internet.” 

“Oh, you mean the Raid Area 51 memes?” Peridot’s eyes lit up. Jasper shot her a look, one that caused Peridot to sober up. “Sorry.” 

A few seconds passed. Pumpkin’s hooves clacked against the hard earth under them at a steady rhythm, filling the silence. 

“Wait, are there actual alien things over there?” Peridot suddenly asked.

Jasper faked a scoff. “Don’t be ridiculous. Those are just myths.” She tried to keep her voice even as memories of supervising alien languages being ran through translating programs came to mind. The result was nonsense, something about corn and little blue of all things, but it was still locked under the highest security measures. She’d probably be killed if she spilled that particular secret. 

Thankfully, Peridot wasn’t particularly good at picking out lies. She let out a disappointed noise. “Guess that makes sense. No way America has something cool like aliens.” 

The two made their way to the turn that lead off of government property and down to the little farm they have a mile away. “Again, I’m sorry about causing you trouble.” 

“It’s fine.” 

Peridot smirked. “I’ll make up for it. After I go see about our corn crops, I’ll prepare something extra special for dinner.” 

“Wait. What’s wrong with the corn?” 

“Lapis said she found patches of the corn field flattened but only certain patches right in the middle of the field.” Peridot smiled wider. “Almost sounds like crop circles, eh?” She teased. 

Jasper chuckled, but inside, her mind was running wild. She knew Lapis vaguely. She was the ranch hand Peridot hired. Mostly when Lapis was around, she was off in the fields doing god knows what. But when Jasper caught a rare look at her, she always seemed to be stubbornly dressed in all blue. Blue overalls, blue shirts, even royal blue hair. 

Oh. 

“Well, anyway. Bye, babe! See you at home!” Peridot waved. Jasper waved numbly, watching her ride down the street. As soon as Peridot disappeared down the road, Jasper turned and ran back. 

Her job was never fucking done, now was it? 


	5. Here Comes The Men In Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of last chapter

For dinner, they had meatloaf with mashed potatoes and gravy. Then, Peridot pulled out an apple pie for dessert. All of Jasper’s favorites. Jasper had given Peridot a tired smile and a grateful kiss to her cheek in thanks for the meal.

It was nice. Jasper had almost forgotten how agents would be moving in on their house in a matter of time. 

Jasper doesn’t know how the hell to broach the subject to her. For one, her job would probably murder her if she spilled half the things she knew. On the other hand, Peridot would have a heart attack if she found strangers rifling around in her corn. 

There was also the fact that Peridot was a total nerd for this kind of thing. It was in an ironic sort of way. At least, that’s how Peridot put it. She liked the meaning behind aliens. Everything from how they’re alienated from human society for their inherent differences to them being confused over the concept of domesticated animals. Preferably communicated through text posts on a blogging website. 

But even so, that didn’t stop the collection of alien trinkets growing on the dresser in their bedroom, the b grade alien movies stacked in the cabinet under the television, the telescope Peridot liked to “alien hunt” with, or the stop at Roswell Peridot begged them to take on their trip to the Grand Canyon. Jasper doesn’t think anything would stop Peridot from tearing out into the field if she caught wind of the idea that aliens were communicating in the corn. 

So, she needed a plan. Jasper racked her brain for something. A night out on the town? No, Peridot would never agree. She’d argue how a movie night on the couch would be much better. Fake an emergency? No, that’s-

“Babe, why are the Men in Black messing with my corn?” 

Jasper’s heart stopped. Fuck. 

“Babe?” Peridot looked at Jasper frowning. Jasper made a face, trying to think of what to say. “Is it secret work stuff?” Peridot guessed.

Jasper nodded. 

“Is it dangerous?” 

Jasper thought for a moment then reluctantly shook her head. 

“Ok then. They better not smash my corn then.” 

“They’ll reimburse it.” 

“Oh.” Peridot nodded. 

“That’s it?” 

“Well, I don’t want to get a gun pointed at me again. I will be considering taking civic action against the government.” 

“Fair enough.” 

“Want to watch a movie?” 

Well, that was easier than she thought. 

The two curled up together on the couch while a movie from Peridot’s collection played. It was a ridiculously low budget sci-fi movie according to Peridot. On screen, the camera shifted to strange shots, showing off a bedroom with a “distressed” actress pacing in loose circles. She muttered to herself, smacked herself in the forehead a few times, and then bit her finger. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. The movie made a clumsy cut to the front door where the actress was all smiles and friendly greetings at the actor that played her next door neighbor. 

“...What?” Jasper blinked confused. 

“I know! She’s terrible!” Peridot said gleefully. 

Jasper shook her head. She never understood Peridot’s love of terrible movies. But at least, it was normal. Jasper felt herself relax into it. 

Until the actor yelled out his lines without any prompt and the next scene dismissed it without any question.

“What even is the plot to this?” 

“Something about aliens taking over humans. Oh! Just wait until the aliens show up!” 

The aliens showed up fifteen minutes later. It was clear that their “aliens” were just normal people in alien masks. Cheap, stereotypical ones at that with huge black eyes and lime green plastic skin. There were a few shots where Jasper could pick out the slit poking out from actors’ shirts...and for God’s sake they didn’t even bother to cover the actors’ hands.

Peridot scoffed. “People think this is what aliens look like? Pffft. There’s no way they look so human.” 

Suddenly, a low metallic whirling sounded. For a second, Jasper thought it was the movie; a small ship Jasper was sure was a toy was warbling across the screen. However, the sound grew louder, and it grew to more of a strange warbling. 

It grew to an uncomfortable pitch. Jasper clamped her hands over ears, but she could still make out the people yelling outside over the whine. Then, the ground and walls shake under her with a thunderous thud, and the whine is no more. 

Oh shit. She looked over at Peridot. She was already bolting for the window. 

“Wait, don’t!” 

“Holy shit!” Peridot cried, telling Jasper she was way too late. Peridot now bolted for the door. Jasper followed after her. 

“Get back in the house, Peri! It could be dangerous!” Jasper protested, but Peridot was already on their porch, frozen in awe. Jasper looked and couldn’t help but feel the same. A glowing blue orb sat nestled in the corn. The agents had the ship surrounded as best they could in the field, training their guns on the strange orb. 

There was a loud hiss. Everyone jumped. The agents cried out orders, calling attention to prepare for extreme measures in case of danger, but all that resulted was a slim section sliding open like a door. It rested up above the orb while a ramp extended outward. 

Peridot was wrong. From what Jasper could see, aliens did look human like. An alien that looked like short, red woman in a fighter’s leotard started to walk out on the ramp until the agents cocked their guns. She looked at each of them with confusion in her eyes.

“Are you…” She squinted at the nearest agent. “Peridot?”

“No, dear.” Another alien, this one as short as the first but completely blue. This one seemed more of what Jasper would consider alien like. Her long cyan hair obscured her face while her flowing gown hid her legs...if she even had legs. Something about the ambiguity just made Jasper’s skin crawl. 

And then, she pointed straight at Jasper, sending her heart pounding. 

“Peridot is the human next to the large one.” 

“Oh. Ohmygosh! You guys came! You actually came!” Peridot squealed, gartering a few looks from the agents before her. 

“Wait, what?” Jasper looked at Peridot, but she was already charging forward. Agents quickly stepped in to stop her. 

“This is a government operation. Please clear the area.” 

“But, this is my house! And those are my friends!” Peridot said. 

“Hello, Peridot’s friends.” The blue woman said with a stiff wave. A large gem was embedded in her palm. “I foresaw your arrival two galaxies ago. We shall go quietly with you to answer your questions. Oh also, Peridot, please don’t make scene.” 

But, Peridot was already fighting with the agent, trying to push past around the agent’s body. The agent at first tried to impede her, but Peridot wouldn’t be stopped. The agent grabbed a hold of Peridot, forcing her arms behind her back. Peridot cried out but didn’t stop thrashing her body against them.

“Let me go!”

“Agent Jasper, please control your wife!” One agent demanded.

“Oh, you’re a fool if you think she can control me!” Peridot said and then proceeded to bite the agent.

“Ow! Shit!” The agent glared down at Peridot. “You know I have authority to arrest you? Is that what you want?”

Peridot bit them again. 


	6. Chapter 6

“Ok, Peridot. Do you want to explain once again why you would do this?!” Jasper hissed from across the table. Peridot stared back in outrage. She probably would have done something with her hands as she lurched in her seat. However, the cuffs on the table just clattered against the table. “Of all the things you just had to do, you go and fight a government agent!”

“Hey! He had it coming! Besides, you’ve seen the movies! You know what the government does to aliens!” 

“Movies are not real, Peridot!” Jasper ground out. Peridot didn’t drop her point. Jasper sighed. She kneaded her fingers into her forehead. “For the last time, Ruby and Sapphire are not getting dissected.” 

“Oh yeah?” Peridot struggles against her bounds. “Probe it! Show me them!” She grunted. 

“I can’t. Aliens aren’t allowed in the interrogation room, but I’m telling you they’re fine.” 

“Well, excuse me for being skeptical.” 

“Why are you giving me so much attitude? I should be the one who’s mad. You hid the existence of aliens from me! You made first contact at our house without telling me!” 

“Well, what am I supposed to say? Hey, I broke the radio in our barn and now, I’m communicating with light based rock people galaxies away.” Peridot threw out as if it were ridiculous, and yet Jasper frantically wrote it down. “Why are you writing that?” She demanded. 

“It’s my job to keep a record of your answers.” 

“Oh really?” Peridot challenged. Jasper quickly realized her mistake and facepalmed. 

“Peridot, you can't just not talk.” 

Oh, but she could. Jasper knew that well.

“Peridot,” Jasper said sternly. “Just comply. You’ll be let out sooner the quicker you do so.” 

But, Peridot was determined to stay silent. 

“You know what?” Jasper stood up. “Fine, stay here.” Jasper walked out of the interrogation room with a huff. 

“Well? How did things go?” Pearl asked in her easy but distant sounding voice. This wasn’t the Pearl that stood guard outside the complex. This was the secretary Pearl. Jasper could tell her from anywhere considering the twisted buns she wore her hair and the large scar across her right eye. 

She was also the secretary to her boss, Rose. Somehow, that made her more frightening than Pearl outside. 

“Peridot isn’t cooperating.” Jasper said with a sigh. “Tell Rose I’m sorry. Peridot can be really stubborn.” 

“Well, that’s quite alright.” Pearl started. “But, I’m sure Rose would say that the results are necessary. We can’t just have the discovery of aliens out in the public all willy nilly, now can we?” 

“No.” Jasper agreed. 

“Don’t worry. I’m sure we can convince Peridot to see our way.” 

“Ok, just go easy on her, would you? Her heart is in the right place; it’s just that she doesn’t understand what my job is here.” 

“That’s ok. A lot of people misunderstand the government. People just see a big scary organization bent on oppressing them.” 

“I guess?” Jasper shook her head. “Look, I think Peridot would be more willing to work with us if she could see Ruby and Sapphire. Could you ask Rose for me?” 

Pearl blinked at her and then tilted her head. “Who?” 

“Ruby and Sapphire?” Jasper tried. Pearl still didn’t register. “The aliens we brought in.” 

“Oh!” Pearl chuckled, light and airy. “Oh, you kidder! You and I know that won’t happen.”

“What?” Jasper frowned. “Why?” 

“Have you met Rose? Do you want her to blow a fuse?” Pearl asked as if it were a joke. Jasper didn’t think it was funny. Her face relaxed. “Listen, Rose has big plans for the aliens. Just get your wife to comply, and move on with your job.” 

“What kind of plans are you talking about?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. What was your rank again?” Pearl asked, feigning ignorance. Jasper ground her teeth in annoyance.

“Rank J4-18.” 

“Then, it’s classified.” Pearl smiled. “Now, off you go. I have my own report to give to Rose. Should I pass along that request you had?” 

“No.” Jasper bit out, her face burning in a mix of shame and anxiety. As soon as Pearl moved on, her mind started to whirl with thoughts. 

What the hell did that mean? Plans? What kind of plans include aliens? 

The first thought that came to mind was a scene from one of Peridot’s movies. Aliens were usually dissected and studied in the name of science. The thought of Ruby and Sapphire facing the same fate made her stomach turn. 

But, wait. Didn’t Peridot say they were beings of light? Could light be dissected? 

Jasper groaned in frustration. She shook her head and then turned back to the door. 

God, Pearl was a jerk. It must be getting to her.

Or, Peridot’s alien conspiracy fever. It’s not like Area 51 really did anything bad to aliens...Did it? 

Did Jasper even know? It’s like Pearl said. Whatever information wasn’t available to her rank was classified. 

But, the US government wouldn’t allow such an atrocity-

Jasper has to hold back a laugh at that, but the pit in her stomach was there all the same. 

...Did she abide in a murder? 

No, she was being paranoid. She assured herself of this, but the thought wouldn’t go away. 

God, she was starting to sound like Peridot. 

Speaking of Peridot, she was still in front of the door. Jasper was sure if she walked in now that Peridot would still have the same pout. She would still be stubbornly quiet until she found some proof that Ruby and Sapphire were fine. 

Well if that’s what it took to do her job. Jasper turned from the door. She walked down the complex’s tight, fortified hallways in the direction she was agent’s lead Ruby and Sapphire off in. In her head, she ran at least a dozen justifications through her mind. Just in case she was caught. 

It was all to get information from Peridot. She assured herself. Not for the bad feeling in her gut. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think and if y’all want more!!!


End file.
